I wrote the following 5 Journals for my Interpersonal Communication class at Linn Benton College. These are all related to different theories or models involving communication in my life which were studied in our class and influenced all aspects of my life. Unfortunately, I am taking this class late in life, but it has helped me to figure out parts of my life which I had not fully understood before. I hope you enjoy these!
The linear communication theory is the most important and simplest
theory in the formation of all sociological communication that is conveyed
universally in all cultures. The main
person communicating (sender) relates information (encodes) in the form of a message (information being relayed) to
another person (receiver) who deciphers or tries to make sense of that
information(decodes), while dealing with all the distractions (noise) in the way of the exchange of that same information.
As I watch my granddaughter, Aaliyah, who is 10 months old try to communicate to
our household, which includes my husband, daughter, son, grandson, and me, I am
reliving the primary process of communication.
Because she does not have the communication skills, she is adapting and
using all means to get her message across.
I taught her the words- come here- and, finally, one day she yelled,
“Grandma, here, eat,” as she banged on her high chair tray. This is not a great conversation but it is
essential the basic form of linear communication. She is not as aware of the noises in the
background as an older person would, but focused on her basic needs.
This theory is the basic of any language, including sign language, and I
remember when I was very little and it was so important that everyone
understood what I was saying. It is the
basis of the development of any good relationship. Although we do not see it all the time, this
communication theory can even be between a person and an animal. Have you ever called your animal friend to
come and get their food or sit or any other command? The message is sent by you and received by
them, even when you have other things going on in the background, effectively
validating this theory.
I feel that this theory is our most basic and fundamental theory,
without which you can literally die of loneliness. We learn to communicate by being communicated
with by others. Basically, I learned how
to talk from television as I was born in the same year and the television and
it was the new, extraordinary invention.
Because of this, I learned to talk different from the rest of my family
and was considered different by them and society. Learning to communicate in a different linear
pattern influenced the rest of my life and was a benefit to me in getting ahead
and out of the pattern of poverty in which I was raised.
TOMJ2
The transactional communication model depends on the communicator or the
person relating a message to another communicator through all the noises and
channels of communication and, hopefully, getting their message across. However, theorists believe that both parties
of communicators are sending and receiving messages at the same time through
the same or different channels and noises.
This process can be complicated if the persons communicating are not
from the same cultural background, speak the same language, or different ethnic
backgrounds.
I have lived with this phenomenon most of
my life as I developed my most basic communication skills from television and books,
not from my ethnic background or family.
This effectively made me a social outcast with my own race and culture
for most of my life. When I was younger,
I was considered by my friends as thinking I was better than them because I
talked so much better and tried to emulate what I saw on television. It was hard to reconcile in my head that my
communication style was not being perceived by the people in my neighborhood in
Mississippi as being different.
When I transferred to the all-white
school in 1964, I understood the transactional communication around me but
because of my ethnic difference, I was not perceived as acceptable in this
environment, although our speech patterns were the same. Messages were being sent and received but
they were not being received correctly because of preconceived ideas imparted
by their society against anyone from the black community at that time. The messages were surrounded by all sorts of
noises in their heads from their entire community all the time and I was
hearing different noises plus their noises also. These noises were not always verbal, as a
sneer could convey a clear and concise message.
This is not to say that all transactional communication is relayed
effectively but it is there if the communicators are on the same wavelength of
understanding.
Transactional communication is the most
concise description of the way humans communicate with each other. There are other factors which are involved
but I feel this is the most efficient and beneficial way to explain how we
communicate with each other. It is the
most important theory in my life, as it is the reason I am where I am
today. The messages I received and
translated early in life made me see that education was the only way I could
escape the poverty and misery of my childhood.
This form of communication has inspired me to pursue another career
after retiring from my last job.
TOMJ3
The moral rules theory was offered as a self-evident obligation of the
way people should treat each other by American philosopher, W. D. Ross. He proclaimed that the components of moral
rules are fidelity, reparation, gratitude, beneficence, self-improvement,
justice, and nonmaleficence.
The first component of the moral rules theory is fidelity or keeping
promises, followed by reparations, which means to make up for wrongs done to
another. Gratitude is acknowledging
appreciation of the kindness of others and beneficence would be to “promote
goodness and help others. Another
component is self-improvement (being the best you can be) and justice is to be
fair in all things, what a person deserves for what is done. Finally, nonmaleficence is to not cause harm
or let anyone cause harm.
All of these rules can be encompassed in what I have lived by all my
life, “to do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” I have tried to always live by all of these
components and have found most times that each will be returned by the other
person. However, I feel that these
components are learned behavior. I
learned these because they are the opposite of my learned family values.
Living with all kinds of abuse and duplicity, where my life outside my home in no way was as it seemed to the public eye, I was determined to always think of
what I had been taught in my home and do the opposite.
This has worked well for me, especially being nonmaleficent.
I feel that this is another one of the main lessons which should be
taught in every high school in America, if we want to stop all of the violence,
abuse and other social ills which are affecting most of our society. In conclusion, these concepts of fidelity, reparation, gratitude, beneficence, self-improvement,
justice, and nonmaleficence should be the
cornerstone of every human life lessons.
TOMJ4
The models of relational
development, developed by Mark Knapp, are divided into two categories (coming
together and coming apart). Coming
together is comprised into five stages (initiating, experimenting,
intensifying, integrating, and bonding), while the coming apart stages are
differentiating, circumscribing, stagnating, avoiding, and terminating.
The initiating stage is that first time you meet someone and shake hands
or other mild forms of communication.
Experimentation stage is the next level, when you decide if the
relationship is worth pursuing further; usually involving what we call small
talk. The next stage is intensifying,
which this person is becoming important enough to pursue the burgeoning
feelings of a relationship, which may or may not be romantic. The integrating stage is very important
because the relationship becomes a shared phase between two individuals who
adapt to each other and need less overt communication. The final coming together stage is bonding,
which is usually some type of committed relationship, whether it is marriage or
co-habitation of some sort.
The first part of coming apart is differentiating, where the
relationship is strong but there needs to be a reassertion of the individual
needs, as well as partnership needs.
Another stage is circumscribing, where the quality and quantity of time
and effort spent in a relationship lessens.
This is not necessarily ending the relationship but that is
possible. The stagnating stage occurs
when the relationship is no longer moving forward but has come to a standstill
on its downward spiral. When the
avoidance stage occurs, it is just what it sounds like; the relationship has
come to the point where the individuals are avoiding each other to avoid
unpleasant feelings or scenes. And,
finally, the terminating stage occurs and the individuals are aware of the
ending of the relationship and make some sort of break in the relationship.
I went through the whole scenario described above in my first
marriage. Unfortunately, the coming
together stage was way too fast and I did not spend enough time making sure our
friendship was developed enough to really know my ex-husband. I admit I was young and in lust with
love! In my second marriage, I took the right steps and have been married,
not 6 years as in my first marriage, but over 20 years. After the coming together phase of our
relationship was over in my first marriage, I found that my ex was a closet
abuser of alcohol and drugs, as well as a womanizer. This was all uncovered in the circumscribing
stage, which led to the stagnating stage with the advent of the Aids
scare. When a person is impaired
mentally, the chances of them doing something stupid sexually are greatly
enhanced and scary. After entering the
stagnating stage, I realized I could do better for my son and I on our own.
I feel this whole model of relational development should be mandatory
for all children in high school and they should have to write about
relationships from this standpoint. This
could possibly save a lot of pain and heartache in their future, especially
with the divorce rate increasing in this country so drastically. For couples looking for a lasting
relationship, this is what they used to call courtship or, now, coming together
and there would be less coming apart.
TOMJ5
Identity management is the different communication strategies “people
use to influence how others view them.”
There are two phases of identity management, perceived self or how we
perceive ourselves and presenting self or they way we want others to see
us. To complicate this further, there
are five characteristics of identity management. There is first the construction of multiple
identities, whether consciously or unconsciously. Then there is collaborative identity management
where each person is performing their role and is interacting with another
person who is also performing a role in the theater of life. All of this can be deliberate or unconscious,
in which you control the impressions you make or these impressions are made
subconsciously and another aspect of identity management varies by
situation. And, finally, two different
degrees of identity management are high self-monitor ( a person aware of all
stimuli and all situations) and low self-monitor ( a person who has no regard
for another person's impressions or the feelings of others).
This concept was evident in my early life
as I was a consummate actress, covering up my true feelings, because of the
abuse and isolationism for so many years.
During my younger years, I was sexually abused by my step-father and
later because of this; my mother subjected me to physical, emotional and
psychological abuse. After having all of
this done to me, I entered an all-white school in 1964 and was again subjected
to isolationism and racism, with verbal, physical and non-verbal abuse. I had
developed multiple personalities, thankfully only two, one conscious and the
other subconscious. My subconscious self
was not discovered until I was in college, where I went to very vocal to totally
non-vocal mood. The strange thing is
because of my multiple personalities, I have been both a high and low
self-monitor, especially with my acting abilities.
This process, however, caused problems in
the collaborative stages in my life. I
did not develop the ability to collaborate with others in an effective manner,
especially in a business environment. It
was, also, one of the main reasons I did not complete college the first time,
as I was going to school and working full-time, while being counseled for my
disorder of multiple personalities.
. I feel that identity management
is one of the shortcomings in my life because of the dual personalities I
suffered. It took me a lot of years to
learn how to cope with and communicate effectively with others, due to bad role
models on how to manage your identity.
All of this is a learned behavior and I did not have the role models
needed to become a self-sufficient person with a good identity, let alone learn
how to manage an identity.
